A It’s so easy to see other people lives and find all the goodness in it. We start wishing we had what they had and if only we looked the way they do. I know that feeling. It’s really hard to break that toxic cycle in our heads, so here are some practical steps to stop comparing yourself to other people. 

Defining Comparison

So often comparison creeps up on us and we don’t even notice how we started comparing. A mild discomfort in our hearts starts to develop – some kind of pain, resentment, jealousy. We don’t quite know how to define what we are feeling when we see the well dressed mom with three fashionably dressed daughters. Very clearly, we do know it’s not a feeling we are quite happy to feel or we are sure it is the right way we should be feeling.  

What is comparison? It’s a way of finding differences or similarities in things or people. 

There are two ways we compare ourselves to other people:

1. We try to be like someone because we find that they superior to us. We want to have what they have, act like them and go where they go. 
2. We try to be completely opposite of someone. We want nothing to do with the person. Their reputation is horrible and to be associated with that person would be an insult. 

What is the Damage of Comparison

You may tell yourself, “What’s a little comparison going to do? It won’t hurt anyone if I just keep it to myself.” 

Let’s face the truth. What is deeply rooted in someone’s heart typically starts coming out in actions and words. No hiding here. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to keep your feelings inside your mind, it will come out one way or the other. 

Relationships

Losing a relationship is the biggest damage comparison can do for your life. The desire to be more like your friend and do what she does is ok until it’s not. First, you start looking for ways to look like your friend. You start shopping at the same stores. Then, you take a step further and start shopping somewhere better. Through your actions, you make sure she knows about it too. You start playing the game of comparison without even noticing. Your friend starts noticing something is going on and she can’t understand what you are doing. The relationship starts to slowly part and you lose a dear friend without even noticing or understanding why.

Joy

The joy we lose when see the grass greener on the other side. I am guilty of this too. Often, I look at another mom on instagram with perfectly white couches, clean kitchen with white counter tops. She has 3 young kids and she has it all together. How I wish I had a knack for interior design! If you ever walk into my kitchen, you will probably never see it empty. Dirty dishes and smeared counter tops is a norm in my house. I lost sight of the five healthy blessings running around the house and a couch to sit on every morning to do my devotionals. 

Comparing yourself to others leads to losing sight of the blessings we have in front of us. That’s why we need to really learn how to stop comparing ourselves to others. 

What Do You to Stop Comparing?

You have identified you have this feeling that is probably comparison. This is actually the first step. Congratulations! You are on track to stop comparing. It is one of the hardest steps to take, acknowledging that we are doing something that is not so healthy for you and your relationships.

Step two requires taking action and it will take practice to make these a regular part of your daily living. Comparison needs some boundaries so it would stop controlling your life. These are ways to train your mind to take a thought and direct it toward a different idea. You have probably heard about some of these and they truly do work. My hope is you find what boundaries you need to set for yourself and maybe come up with your own to keep that comparison as far as you can.

4 Way to Stop Comparing

1. 1. Count your blessings. You have a lot to be thankful for. We don’t always see it with our busy lives. Take a few moments to reflect and maybe even journal about it. Talk about it to someone. There is no right or wrong way, just pause and think about all the good in your life.
   2. ScreenTime! I have an iphone so I can easily create boundaries on how much time I can spend on social media. I let my husband make the password so that I don’t have access to it at the tip of my finger tips. This limits the amount of time I spend on instagram, facebook and tiktok. It’s just enough to catch up on the lates, post something quickly but not to scroll endlessly through the night and start fogging up your brain. You set the time. Test what works for you. I set fifteen to thirty minutes of social media time for myself. It’s just enough for me.
   3. Choose to be happy for others. This is a choice you make every time someone shares their success. Some days you will find your mind wandering to the place of resentment and feeling not good enough. Take it back a step and instead be happy for their accomplishments and share their joy with them.
   4. Take note of your strengths. God has given you gifts and talents to share with the world. Don’t ignore those because they are important and will impact other lives in a positive way. Make a list and ask yourself how you will be using them to bless others around you. For me it was cooking, hosting, starting random conversations with strangers, giving and teaching. I developed new recipes, invited friends over and homeschooled my children.

Are you ready to stop comparing yourself to others and taking control of your thoughts? I hope you are because I am looking forward to seeing the way God transforms your heart and the people around you as you lean into developing your muscle of joy!

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